Dutch friends and colleagues often tell me that the Dutch are rude. Books about the Netherlands I read before moving here corroborated this impression. More specifically, the Dutch are known for being straightforward to the point of occasionally causing offense (perhaps mostly to people who aren't used to the Dutch). I've noticed this, though I haven't had any problems with it. It's actually a bit of a relief to me, since I used to fume at the (seemingly) fraudulent, forced kindness in some situations in the U.S. (e.g., corporations forcing their employees to introduce themselves to customers by name, ask customers how their day has been, ask if they found everything in the store OK, etc.).
Beyond a lack of superficial niceties, though, I haven't noticed any kindness deficit from the Dutch. In fact, there are occasional acts of kindness in Amsterdam that I can't picture happening in the U.S.
I've been meaning to replace my glasses for a few months now. They got dinged up a bit in my bike accident last year, and they keep sliding down my nose (in fact, I've recently realized some of my colleagues apparently mock how often I push my glasses up my nose after they've slid down). It's been about two years since my last eye exam, so I made an appointment at an optometrist close to my apartment.
The optometrist was a gregarious man in his mid-30's who apologized for how quickly he spoke in English. We talked back and forth rapidly for 20 minutes, mostly about how much he loves the U.S., where he's gone in his two visits to the U.S., and how much he wants to visit the U.S. again soon (specifically Disneyland). After the eye exam, he told me that my updated prescription would be virtually identical to my previous one, and that I probably don't need new lenses. I told him about my frames sliding down my nose and being crooked, and, after looking at them for a minute, he said that he could adjust them in less than 10 minutes. He did so, and I talked with him and the other optometrist about Dutch and U.S. budget issues, tourism, insurance policies, etc.
After he fixed the glasses (which now fit perfectly), he shook my hand and thanked me for coming in. I asked him what I owed him for the exam and the adjustment. He said, "Nothing - it was my pleasure." So, despite the sign saying that exams are 20 euro, and the fact that he spent over 30 minutes on the exam and adjustment, he let me leave without paying a cent.
Immediately after the eye exam, I biked to one of the ubiquitous Gall and Gall stores around the Netherlands (the sales clerk told me that there are over 500 in the country). I recently had a paper accepted for publication in one of the top journals in psychology, and I'd promised myself that I'd buy a decent bottle of scotch if the paper was eventually accepted.
After I'd been looking at the wall of scotch for a minute, the clerk asked me (in Dutch) if he could help me. I replied (in English) that I was just browsing for the moment. Ten seconds later, I said that, yes, he probably could help me. We talked about scotch for the next few minutes - about what I'd liked and disliked in the past, and what might match with my tastes. He suggested that the Dalwhinnie 15 (what he warned me is called "The Ladies' Scotch," to which I replied that I ride a ladies' bike). I decided to follow his suggestion and to also get a bottle of Singleton 15 for comparison, partially because I've enjoyed the Singleton 12 in the past. While I was there, I also got a bottle of French Pinot Noir and French Sauvignon Blanc, a large bottle of Chimay Blue, and a large bottle of Kwak.
When I went to pay, the clerk said told me that there was a promotion on Johnny Walker Gold: two bottles for 60 euro. He said that he would charge me for those two instead of the two I'd bought, which should have combined for 80 euro. The store was also running a special where, if you buy two bottles of wine that are both under eight euro, you can have them both for eight (kind of a buy one get one free). He gave me this deal too, even though my pinot noir was 13 euro. In total, I walked away spending about 85 euro on the selection - I think that, without the unsolicited breaks, it would have cost 110.
So, the Dutch can be as straightfoward as they like. If people keep giving me free or heavily discounted goods and services, I'll consider them to be some of the kindest folks in the world.
hmmm. . .I agree that Americans can be psuedo nice, like when they say "We'll call you" at the end of a job interview and have no intention of doing so. However! I was just reading an article in the Economist about the 'uncivility of American politics' in what the author considered to be an otherwise civilized country. The author remarked that, after coming home with his/her newborn baby, his/her Washington D.C. neighbors came by with food, even though they hadn't met some of them before. The author stated that he/she had lived in other capitals cities of Brussels, London, and Beijing, and this offer of hospitality would never occur in any of those places. Also remarkable to the author was that the U.S. is a place where strangers routinely ask, and receive, help from other countries.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if there is that much variation in "niceness" between countries, or if it is just channeled in different ways according to culture.
Good blog post. I love thinking about cultural differences.