Nostalgia Neutralizer

It’s been only 14 days since my departure from Albuquerque, and I already miss some things from home. I would really enjoy drinking a good IPA instead of the slightly-better-than-Miller stuff so ubiquitous in Amsterdam. While sick with a head cold this week, I really wanted some Sadie’s salsa, or some of the nearly inadvisably spicy green chile I used to keep in my freezer. In riding slowly in congested bike lanes, I’ve felt some longing for pedaling as quickly as possible along Albuquerque streets on my road bike.

However mild, such longings for home are probably counterproductive to efforts to adjust to a new society. So I am grateful to a stranger from Albuquerque for efficiently shattering such mild nostalgia for home.

I logged into my bank account online last night, and I saw that someone had cashed a check for $600. I looked at a pdf of the cashed check, and I saw that “my” handwriting and signature were unfamiliar and decidedly feminine. “I” had written the check to a woman I’d never heard of, and “I” had described the purpose of the payment as “Coaches.” It’s not clear to me why I paid $600 to this person, or what coaching she did (or, further, why her coaching was described in the plural form). Given that the handwriting of “my” signature was virtually identical to the endorsing handwriting on the back of the check, I assume that the person who cashed also wrote it. A google search of this individual indicated that she has been arrested for cocaine trafficking in Albuquerque, and her Facebook page reveals the following gems:

Favorite quotation: “play pussy get fucked”

Self description: “hey whats i have 2 kids one boy and one girl. im very down to earth very out going . i love to dance and have fun down to try anything new. i love to make ppl smile and if you know me you know that im fun to hang out with”

Fan of Two and a Half Men, the LA Lakers, and the Oakland Raiders

Her mother is her inspiration in her life

And her relationship status is “complicated”

Fortunately, even though I still do not have a cell phone or access to a land line, I was able to talk with Wells Fargo’s fraud department toll free via Skype, and it only took me an hour to close my checking account and open a new one, with all my funds transferred. And I won’t be charged the $600 for the forged check.

It’s very kind of this individual to remove nostalgic thoughts of home from my mind and replace them with wonderful images of check fraud and drug trafficking. Kudos, ma’am. Kudos.